Well, Gretta wrecked her van (she looked down, drifted off the road, and then over corrected and ended up going through a fence), which really makes an already hard situation in this house even harder. Besides the fact that the only other mode of transportation is MY car (which makes it impossible for Adam to find a job if Gretta plans to keep hers), it also puts a major damper on our trip to Phoenix this spring. I am tempted to just go with Adam even if Gretta can't get her van fixed and go with. She can find herself a babysitter for a week. Of course she probably won't be able to afford going out every other night like she does when we are here, but oh well, I'm sure she will survive one week of not partying like a 21 year old.

Speaking of going out, Gretta wants me to go to a Passion Party (or something similar) with her tomorrow night. I think it's basically an excuse for her to go hang out with Heather and the only way she can use our car is if she brings me. Why she is so obsessed with her is beyond me. I don't get it and I won't pretend to. I am assuming it has something to do with the whole wishing she was young and had no kids so she could go out and do whatever she wanted to, but she does that anyway even though she does have kids. Just this last week she went out Friday night, Saturday night, and Sunday night, came home late on Tuesday or Wednesday (can't remember) because she went to Heathers and hung out for a while, then didn't come home from work Thursday (yesterday) and went out with her friends and stayed in Logan all night and came home Friday (to)night. She also hangs out with the girl practically every day at work or after work. I don't want to go to the party. I am just not too interested in hanging out with a bunch of young girls while they drink and talk about sex. So I think I will bow out gracefully. I was really hoping that Adam and I could go out and do something but it seems like everytime we would even want to she already has plans, and now that she has no vehicle she will just end up talking Adam into letting her use the car so she can go out and we will be stuck at home with the kids again.

Anyway, I am starting to sound bitter or something. I'm really not. Just have a bit of cabin fever and this lack of funds is making it impossible for us to escape the kids. I don't begrudge Gretta a good time, even if it is doing things she really shouldn't be doing, but I am not her mom. (Damn I sound judgemental there. I just worry about her.) I am her friend and I guess right now she needs me to be the friend that watches her kids so she can go hang out with different friends. I'm a homebody anyway. I love her to death and I mostly worry that she is searching for the wrong things and is going to end up hurting herself or her relationship with her family. Reading back on this entry I realize that I sound like a jealous bitch, and I am a bit jealous because I don't get to go out very often despite the fact that I have no kids, but more than anything I worry. I chased my sister around for years while she was drinking and doing stupid things just to watch her waste so much time doing things that she thought were making her happy. If I had just gone through a divorce and had bills stacked up to wazoo, three kids at home, and a supervisor at work that was trying to make my life hell, I would probably be trying to escape, too. Hell, I have no kids and less reponsibilities, but I want to escape my life all the time. I just miss my best friend, and as much as I love my neices and nephews, I don't think I am meant to be their stand in mom so often. I don't want to ruin my relationship with them because I have to be this big bad disciplinarian all the time. I just want to be the aunt. I am getting frustrated with the children discipline problems and having my life revolve around if the house is clean, the kids are fed, and I have managed to fit in a shower today. I completely understand Adam escaping his life by playing computer games though. I am usually on the computer when other people are here just because I am feeling so anti-social lately. Mostly because I just don't like myself and my progess in a few areas, but that is another whiney entry for another whiney day.