< MaiKaMahi
02.26.05
Today Ruby told me that she would rather have her old babysitter back than me babysit her. It was like a dagger to the heart, I swear. I never thought I would hear any of these kids say something like that after all I do for them. I am here more than their mom is, I love them and care for them, I do everything for them. But, because I am put in the position where I am with them all the time, I have to discipline them, make them do their chores, and be the bad guy, too. And now my 4 and a half year old neice would rather have someone she hardly knows watch her than me.

I know that she didn't mean that she doesn't love me, and that at 4 years old she couldn't possibly understand how what she said could hurt my feelings, but oh boy did it hurt. I had to send her away so she wouldn't see me cry. I hate that I can't be the fun aunt that they want around all the time. At the same time, I don't get to be to them what a mother is either.

I hate this.

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