My life has sucked. Not really compared to what it could be, but for some reason I have been really depressed lately. I don't want to tell Adam because I don't want him to think I can't be home while he is gone and not break down, because I can. Just not this time. I miss him terribly. I am tired of being alone and cleaning up cat shit. Yes, I said cat shit. I have three cats here, one of my own and two of my friends, and my friends cats shit more than I have ever seen in my life. All over the place. And they have hairballs up to wazoo. Let me tell ya, it's easy to get depressed when you are up to your elbows in cat shit and hair balls.

Another girl I know up here just announced she is pregnant, plus another one I know just found out she is pregnant but hasn't announced it yet. Yes, I am going to go there. I am feeling the why not me, this is not fair, pity. So, why not us? Why is it so easy for some people, and so hard for us? I'm sure when I do get pregnant (if that is even possible) I will be kicking my past self and telling her to shut the hell up. I think I have been pretty patient. 8 months we have been trying and nothing. I think we would be pretty darn good parents. I don't even know why I want kids so bad, I just do. I especially don't know why I want one right now, I just do. I keep thinking that my time is running out. I am only 24 for goodness sake. What am I thinking? But, the heart doesn't reason, and my heart wants one. My sister and my cousin both just had babies. My sister wasn't even trying, and my cousin got pregnant as soon as she started trying. Then I have one friend that is having absolutely childish problems in her marriage, and she announces she is pregnant today. Another friend who has two kids, one of them only 8 months, and she is pregnant. Doesn't quite seem fair. I was talking to Adam about it today, and he said that I better tell all of my friends to stop having babies because they are running out of souls in heaven and they are all stealing our kids. Then he says "Don't they know it's the last days?" He's so cute sometimes.

I am also having body issues. Again. Typical for me right? Well, let me tell ya, watching a special about bulimia didn't help. I am so tired of my body that bulimia actually looked appealing. Throwing up all of my food everytime I eat seemed like a valid answer. What's wrong with me?

And this war. As much as I think that it is necessary, it hurts to watch it. It hurts to hear about the casulties, POW's, and MIA's out there. It hurts to watch video after video of soldiers leaving their crying wives and childen behind. It just hurts. I understand more now than I ever thought I would. I get it now, and it sucks ass. It's not even my husband, or my family, that they are talking about on the news, but it feels like it is, because someday it could be. I wish someone could convince me that we have no business being there (although I seriously doubt that will ever happen) just so that I could be mad instead of sad. Oh well, I guess I will just have to keep focusing on how proud I am of all of our soldiers over there. Keep focusing on the good they are doing by freeing all of those people from such an awful regime.