< MaiKaMahi
05.11.02
I just got done watching the ER where Mark Greene dies. That was so hard to watch. I taped it because we went to a ball game last night and couldn't watch it, and I finally got around to watching it while I was baby sitting for Gretta and Marshall. It was me and the kids watching, and I started bawling. I had to try so hard to hold back the sobs just so that I didn't scare the kids. It reminded me so much of the day that my Gramps died.

I was home alone that afternoon and everyone else was at the hospital with him. They had all woken up early to go down and see him and left me asleep at home. Some people from my ward came to the house and knocked on the door. When I amswered they were just like, get ready to go, your aunt asked us to pick you up. They were trying to be light and funny and normal, but it wasn't working. I knew something was wrong. I asked one of the guys if my Gramps had died, and why they were there, and they just said, your aunt couldn't get down here and we were already on our way up so we offered to pick you up. He told me that my Gramps had been asking for me, too. On the way to the hospital I just started to cry. It felt all wrong. We got there and I practically ran to his room, and saw everyone in there crying and sitting around his bed. He just looked like he was sleeping. So peaceful and in no pain. I hadn't seen him look pain free in forever. My aunt told me that he had just died less than an hour earlier, and he had been talking away. To who, no one knows. He was just in and out and talking to himself, and they heard him say me and my sisters names. I looked over and saw my sister sitting next to him, her face all red and tears streming down her face, and that is when I broke down. I had been hoping the whole time he was in the hospital that he would just get better and come home. I knew in the back of my mind that it wasn't meant to be. Someone, I don't remember who, offered me the chair next to him, so I sat down and took his hand in mine and just cried. I told him that I loved him and how much i was going to miss him and just sat with him for a while. When everyone finally got ready to leave, I gave him a kiss on the cheek and forced myself to walk out fo the room. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. I cried until his funeral.

At his funeral we had a family viewing before the actual service where we all got to say goodbye. We formed a line to walk by his casket and say our final goodbyes before they closed his casket. When it was my turn I leaned down and kissed him, and put three yellow roses in his hand. I remember him once telling me how all he wanted at his funeral was yellow roses. Then I put a picture of me and my sister when we were about 7 and 8 in his pocket. When I walked back to where I was sitting, I broke down and started sobbing. I felt someone give me a hug and hold me up so that I wouldn't collapse. I remember looking up and not seeing anyone there touching me. It was as if he was there giving me a hug and telling me everything would be okay. When my grandma died it was devistating. I loved her so much. But, I think that saying goodbye to my Gramps was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.....

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