08.26.03
It seems like everyone is getting divorced anymore. Makes me very aware of the fragile nature of marriage. Two of my bestest friends were married a year ago, and I was the single lonely girl. Now the tables have completely turned and I am the married one and they are either divorced or seperated. I hope that it isn't turned full circle again in another year. I want them to be happy, but I don't want to be miserable again. Not that I am not miserable now. I hate myself most of the time, and the only thing I do like about my life is my marriage. I know if I lost that I would probably kill myself with a bottle of pills and some alcohol. I still don't know why Adam wants me. I am seriously a fat nasty cow. I have gained weight since we got married and I am far from pretty. The only thing pretty about me is my hair. I don't even have a pretty personality. I am a raging bitch and I talk shit constantly. Not to him, or about him, but still. I am going to turn myself into the whiney brat I was a few years ago. I want a NORMAL BODY. Why is it so freakin hard to be NORMAL. I don't expect to be a super model (not that it wouldn't be nice), but I don't want the circus freak of a body I have now either. Why do so many people get so lucky with their genes, and I got stuck with this deal? Looks should be handed out based on things like honesty and loyalty. Then I would be damn good looking. But instead it's like you can't have both, Trina. Since you are a normal person inside you have to be a freak on the outside. Ugh. Okay enough whining. I just need to get off my ass and do something. I may not be gorgeous, but I can be normal sized. I have to literally work my ass off. I just hope my family keeps my ghetto booty motivated.
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